Trick seems fine to me.
The performance can be better.
For one, SLOW DOWN just a little. Let your words flow smoothly from your mouth. At the speed you were talking, you sounded almost like a mouse on a caffeine bender. It makes you appear nervous despite the fluidity of your hand motions. Too many breaks in the speech as well - think of a gentle, continuous flow.
Here, check this ad out:
http://ispot.tv/a/7suxIt's a spot for Arby's, a fast-food chain in the US specializing in deli sandwiches, promoting their 100% Angus beef. Now, while the voice over is a bit intense, it's also smooth, with gentle, brief pauses and a voice that's almost calming despite its intensity. You shouldn't mimic this voice to the last detail, especially the intensity part (and you don't have that deep a voice, either!), but use it as a model from which to craft your own performance voice. Enunciate well and in an unhurried but not intentionally slow manner.